The True Contents of the Hourglass

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson, PM

There is a story I've heard a couple of times recently about a great leader seeking enlightenment from the local sage. Now, I'm going to paraphrase it here, so please don't flog me if I miss something. However, the gist is, the sage was sought after by many, as he was known to provide great truths and guidance to people on their path. The visitor, puffed up with his own knowledge and leadership positions, approached the sage and demanded to know the way (no, I don't believe the teacher in this story is a Mandalorian). The sage kindly invited the man inside for tea, and while pouring the tea for his visitor, the tea started overflowing. The cup was full and could hold no more. The new visitor exclaimed to the sage, "dude, stop pouring the tea, the cup is full, and the tea is running everywhere." The sage, calmly and coolly, looked at his new student and simply said, "Come back to me when your cup is empty."

If we flip this story, it reminds me of a concept taught to many young people (at least, many young people I've known). The concept is, when somebody is sad, their bucket is empty. They need a drop in their bucket to cheer them up. Now, that drop could be anything…it could be monetary, but a simple smile, or the comfortable feeling of a friend’s handshake (man, it’s been too long), might have a greater and longer-lasting impact. You could argue, and I did this with myself, that these stories have nothing in common. However, with the overlap of one of our working tools, a thought came to me. Based on the title, I imagine you can guess the Hourglass.

For Freemasons, the Hourglass is a symbol of time. Certainly, the hourglass was and remains to be a timekeeper. Carefully crafted with two bulbous ends (or vessels) filled with the exact amount of sand necessary for the calculated duration. When vertically positioned, the sands from the top vessel slowly drop. When the last grain has fallen, so have we. However, if we balance that hourglass equally on both sides, perhaps peace can be found. Removing ourselves from time, we just might be able to escape the depression of our historical stories or the anxiety of our imaginative future. At this very unique time, the vessels of the hourglass are neither empty nor full. That moment where time stops may be an incredible panacea, but we know from Heraclitus that the only thing constant is change. Therefore, even if we were able to hold the hourglass in perfect balance, life events would disrupt that balance, and the sands of time would start flowing again.

Perhaps, instead of seeking that stasis, we need to contemplate the fluidity of the hourglass. As the instrument leans to one side or the other, the ‘bottom’ vessel begins to fill. Eventually, the vessel will become so full that it will be difficult to shift the balance and allow the vessel to empty. In that more heavily weighted end of the hourglass, I see our most concrete and closely held beliefs, the things that weigh us down in life. The heavier that end of the hourglass becomes, the more difficult it can be to loosen the grasp on those tightly held beliefs, and eventually, our teacup will begin to overflow. 

Confirmation bias, and the quest for more evidence to reaffirm our existing thoughts, only throw more weight into this side of the hourglass, more tea into the cup. So how do we let go of the weight in this vessel? I propose that we share those beliefs, display and bestow those ideas with others, not in an effort to convince, but to learn. The result can be a beautiful mixture of those grains of sand, enhancing our own beliefs and ideas with others' beliefs and ideas, to be received and enhance the contents of your own cup.

Returning to the childhood lesson with a drop in the bucket, I personally see these as acts of Love and Kindness. When you share your Love with others, when you share your Kindness, you're taking the Love within your own cup and sharing it with others. If you’re unwilling to share that Love, your ability to receive love will be impacted. After all, if your cup is full of your own Love, how can anybody else offer a drop in that bucket? Furthermore, it seems all too often these days we are looking for mineral or metallic ways to satisfy that Love. It could be money, drugs, video games, etc. Those passions which we may find so difficult to subdue. Additionally, perhaps we can Love ourselves so much, filled with the illusion of superiority, along with the materialistic desires, that the cup has been filled and unwilling to receive the Love of others. 

I would like to assert that as we are pushed to extremes, as we tilt that hourglass more into one direction or the other, the more difficult it becomes to live in harmony with our friends, Brothers, and families. The view of balance has always been difficult for me to adhere to, but there is balance if we observe the sun and the earth. For half of the year, one part of the earth sees more light than darkness. For the other half, the hemispheres switch. However, at no point in time is the earth completely enveloped in darkness nor light. One cannot live without the other (there are always two, just like the Sith). The more we are solidified in our conclusions, away from the ‘child’s mind,’ the more difficult it is to share compassion and Love for those who are different. Likewise, the more ‘things’ we Love, the more emotional and physically attached we become, and less open to accepting and understanding opposing views. Now, I’m not saying that there is a quantitative and measurable amount of possible Love or intelligence (oh, wouldn’t that be nice if we just KNEW). But what I am saying relates to a parable that a dear friend once told me…imagine yourself holding a glass (think beliefs or material desires), and we hold that glass so tightly. There is such a fear that if we release that glass, it will fall and shatter. Now, do you really have a hold on that glass, or does the glass have a hold on you?

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and recovering Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a solutions engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org.

The Anti-Social Impact of Social Media

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson

I was done…I had to quit. For my own mental stability (whatever was left) I just couldn't participate in the world of social media any longer. I've heard of others quitting, and removing themselves from the vitriol, but for so long I found humor and comradery in social media that brought me closer to friends past and present. However, within the dumpster fire of 2020, the good no longer outweighed the bad. In order to maintain a connection, I had to disconnect.

As I've written about before, I've been struggling with depression for years, most likely the vast majority of my life. The Brotherhood I found in Masonry helped with a great deal of those struggles, finding like minded men, socially interacting, and learning to accept our differences with an unconditional Love. Oftentimes, trying to understand these differences, the intent of their actions, causes doubts in our own personal evaluations. The Brotherly charity we exercise usually provides a bidirectional Love and understanding, but in the world of social media, sometimes even among Brothers, that charity seems to fade.

I started realizing that the more I saw on social media, the more upset I became. There was no opportunity for discussion or understanding. As the articles and posts arose, I found myself researching and trying to understand the motivation, the intent. The urge to understand each side became almost an obsession, and eventually, every post, every article, I found to be offensive and hurtful. I'm putting this out there because I found it hard to believe that I'm the only one that feels this, that struggles with the understanding.

With the perception of offense and hurt, I started wondering if I was just too weak, too sensitive. My own personal value dropped, further impacting my already low self esteem. I knew that no matter what I wrote, no matter how I countered, it wouldn't matter. I wasn't going to change anybody's mind, neither did I feel like I had the right to try.

Don't get me wrong, there is a clear positive side of social media. You are able to keep in contact with past and current friends. You can learn through incredible online lectures and presentations to entertain and educate. Especially now when our ability to interact in person has been so stifled, our dependency on social media has skyrocketed. Unfortunately, the common issue of "fear of missing out," sometimes referred to as "FOMO," grows with that increased dependency on electronic socializing. Even to the point where we hear about lectures and presentations after the fact, there is a sadness in not being able to attend, or worse, not being invited.

This fear of missing out, fear of exclusion, has driven mankind to horrible actions in the past. Is it possible to wholeheartedly believe that the world you see is curated, and what you’re seeing isn’t real? Or do those images settle within the recesses brain, always making you wonder if you’ve made a wrong decision, or just aren’t worthy? Almost as if you’re an outsider, unable to gain access to the inner circle of life without the proper password. That inner circle, however, is filled with little more than perception and imagination. These fabrications of the mind germinate and fertilize our pain, thereby feeding the FOMO.

There is another fear within the realm of social media, seemingly much more rare than FOMO, and that's the fear of rejection. Fear that whatever you post, whether serious or intended for humor, will offend or hurt somebody. At best, they will appreciate the humor, and laugh with you. Others may keep their feelings to themselves. At worst, however, the judge and jury of social media commit you to death. Before you know it, you've been labeled with one of the many labels we seem to inflict on ourselves and those around us. For many it appears they can compartmentalize these rebuttals, and shrug them off. To me, it's a horrible feeling of rejection, denial, and suppression of thought. When I see these attacks happening among Brothers, friends, acquaintances, the pain becomes personal, regardless of my involvement in the ‘conversation.’ 

The engineer in me must identify the source that drives these attacks. Is there an anger embedded so deep within humanity that continues to grow unchecked? Or perhaps the problem is solely within myself, being too ‘soft,’ allowing the worst of humanity to penetrate my own Sanctum Sanctorum and discounting the ‘good’ in the world. It just appears to me that an increasing number of people want the anger, the fighting, as the best way to conquer a people is to divide them. This belief brings about a level of contempt for the attacker, and likely my current disdain for "news" (and now social) media. It seems like in these areas all we see are the attacks and wrongdoings of the 'others.'

The contempt that grows within myself, however, doesn’t eradicate the need to understand the motivations and the intent of the attacker. My heart, however, lies with those being attacked. Even if I disagree with their position , I feel they deserve to be heard and as humans we should work to understand. The communication and charity, true tolerance, must happen if we are going to dampen the anger. However, in the world of COVID 19, loss of freedoms, and severe racial disputes, it feels completely hopeless. The rage and hatred, regardless of where people lie on the political spectrum, feels like a poison spreading through our society. The problem is, legislation, social distancing, and required face coverings appear to spread the poison, rather than curtail it.

When I discuss with an effort to understand, and perhaps appear to defend those attacked, I feel the hatred and anger directed to me. What have I done? I just want them to see the other side, try to understand where people are coming from, but now I've hurt the very people I care about. What I want, my desires, and through my actions, have now caused more pain; and I do hope that we can all agree that this world needs less pain. What consistently eludes us all is the path to get there.

I firmly believe that path is hidden within our rituals, within the lessons of Freemasonry. A path that has been laid out by some of the greatest thinkers of humanity. However, only those that seek the path will ever find it. Even upon search, it is possible that we’ll become lost within our own thoughts. I truly fear this cycle of pain will continue, progressively getting worse, until the very foundation of humanity, true Charity, crumbles to dust. My Brothers, my Friends, I need help. We all need help. How do we arrange the Harmony within this Chaos? How do we uncover the Benevolence in the face of Anger? Can we even right this ship, or shall we simply release the tiller, embrace the suffering, and allow the wind to carry us to that “undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns.”

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past and presiding Master of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

"Without a Plan, There's No Attack. Without Attack, No Victory"

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson 

"Without a plan, there's no attack. Without attack, no victory." 

- Ack Ack Raymond (Curtis Armstrong)

I've written before about the importance of the 24-inch gauge, and how not every gauge is the same size, or even divided in the same fashion. However, with the recent global turn of events, I was inspired by some Brothers to revisit the subject, under a new light.

From my own work situation, the quarantine hasn't changed much. I typically work from home, traveling to customer sites every once in a while, but for the most part, I'm in my home office most of the day. The company I work for, actually, is 'remote first.' We have one office in San Francisco, CA, but the vast majority of the 900+ employees work from their homes. Before the virus hit, I would have conversations with friends about this work environment. I would explain that the best part about working from home is that you can work from home! No traffic to deal with, your own private bathroom, etc. The bad part is that it is SO EASY to just sit back and start working again--regardless of whether it is 10 PM during the week or in the middle of a beautiful Saturday.

When you work in an office, some location that requires a commute, there is a clear delineation of work-life and home life. That commute time, the transition from work to home and vice versa provides a buffer in which the mind can be adjusted. At one point, when I did have a reasonably hefty commute, that physical break-in location and time was the one thing I enjoyed. The time to listen to my favorite podcast or audiobook, and just let go of the stress of the day. However, when your commute consists of opening your office door and walking downstairs, that break and division no longer exists.

So, how do you apply that 24" gauge, when the markers are so challenging to read? If you look at how parents and teachers are managing home-schooling, you can get some great insight. Maintaining sanity requires a schedule and routine. I believe it was Jason Richards from the Masonic Roundtable who stated this week, that humans are creatures of habit, we need routines to function. Not only function, but the daily habits and routines enable us to maintain some level of sanity. If it weren't for the habitual behavior, every task, every action, would be a new decision.

In my personal life, I see this a lot when going out to eat, well when I used to go out to eat. I follow a plant-based diet, which I'm sure you can imagine, makes going out to eat reasonably tricky. Sometimes, if I am going to a more select location for a formal dinner, I leave it up to the chef to cook me something. In many restaurants, there is only one thing, or maybe two, that I can eat—no decision to be made. However, when I go to a vegetarian restaurant, it becomes more difficult. The decision hasn't been made for me, and I'm forced to make a selection. What if it's the wrong one? What if I don't like it? With a habit and with a solid routine, you have fewer decisions to make, and less fear creeps into your head.

Think of how much time is spent in the morning, trying to decide what to eat, or what to wear. I've heard some people state that they enjoy wearing a daily uniform, either for work or school. With the uniform defined, there is no need to decide what to wear. The brain isn't occupied and consuming energy trying to choose. Can you imagine how much stress and fear would be in our lives if every day we had to decide which toothpaste to use, or which part of our body to wash first? These habits and procedures have been built over years of just habit, and with those habits, we don't need the motivation, willpower, or the decision making energy to function. Unfortunately, some habits are more harmful than others.

There are millions of people in the world that are consumed by video games, drugs, alcohol, work, etc. These become habitual behaviors that can be detrimental to your life and consume every inch of that 24-inch gauge. Often these habits can initiate out of boredom--you start doing them, and then they become you're "go-to" every time you aren't sure what to do. Replacing these behaviors with something healthier can be challenging, but well worth it. Much like the years it took us to learn to brush our teeth or wash our hands after using the bathroom; it takes time to build good habits.

"Don't Break the Chain" is a methodology reportedly popularized by Jerry Seinfeld. When you want to replace a bad habit, with a good one, simply decide when you will perform that action and stick to it. Every day, check off your accomplishment, and the more you succeed, the less you want to break the chain. I would postulate that Brother Benjamin Franklin's routines and his practice of his 13 Virtues follows a very similar methodology. All of these methods encourage good habits by introducing one change, one additional link in the chain. The problem now is that our chain has been shattered. So how do you rebuild?

I can certainly admit that the immediate introduction of working from home, without a defined routine, can lead to hours of scrolling through newsfeeds, binge-watching television, and day drinking. But what drives these behavior patterns, if not boredom? Can you imagine how difficult it will be to get back into your routine when the time comes? Instead of falling into a bad habit, use the pieces of your broken chain to develop new routines and new habits that will help you thrive.

From recovery.org, "Why not take charge of it in such a way as to create the most healthy, balanced, and positive lifestyle possible?" Start with setting a schedule for merely waking up and going to bed. If you're feeling ambitious, add mealtimes, just include time for preparation, consumption, and cleanup! After all, the last thing anybody wants to do at the end of a day is spending an hour washing three meals worth of dishes (unless, of course, you find solace in that activity). Establish that foundational structure, and start adding other habits, tasks, or periods of work.

You need to own the day, not let it own you. But this also means setting boundaries. Stop for dinner, and walk away or entirely shut down your work computer. Don't let a restless night turn into an early morning work session. Without the physical boundaries, it's much more challenging to see the hatch marks in the gauge, but it doesn't make them any less critical.

There are a plethora of resources out there to help with self-organization to the point where the information can be overwhelming. My recommendation, should it matter, is to simply throw some terms into your favorite search engine (terms related to creating and maintaining a routine), and click the first link. Read a paragraph or two, and if you're in, great. If not, go back and hit the second link. Set aside 30 minutes in the morning to do this, perhaps with your coffee, and before you know it, you'll feel more productive, efficient, and happy than you ever did in an office explaining what you do to your seven bosses!

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

Out of Darkness, Comes Life

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson, PM

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to have lunch with my Nephew, who is attending University in Providence. I knew the route well, peppered with businesses, confusing roadways, and several old buildings. Some of the architecture I find beautiful, others not so much, but nothing was different, until the chimney. Atop an older house, or perhaps an industrial building that once employed the citizens of Providence years ago, a dilapidated chimney stood out. Not that it was particularly beautiful or unique architecture, but this particular chimney had a plant growing out of it!

It was such an amazing sight. Somehow, sometime, a seed must have fallen to the chimney. Perhaps it was dropped from a bird, one way or another. I suppose it's possible that a strong wind, deposited a seed that has been traveling for miles. Regardless of how the seed arrived at this dark and abandoned location, it took root, sprouted, and grew.

Although it wasn't a particularly cold winter in New England, it was still cold. The stone that wrapped the chimney and protected it for years have lost any bit of heat that once rose through the darkness to the sky above. The darkness, the blackness of the creosote after years of carbon buildup, blocking any attempts for the light to permeate. The remains of the fuel that once protected the residents from the blizzards and nor'easters of the past. How is it possible that the beauty of nature can not only survive but thrive in this environment?

At a high level, the plant only needs a few things to live: certainly water, air, and nutrients. But the quality and amount of these nutrients can be critical. The air might not be as critical, so long as the temperature is within a sufficient range. This might be more challenging at the heights of Everest, but not so much in Providence, Rhode Island. The water can't be too much, so as to drown the seed or wash it away. Too little water and the seed will never germinate, or the plant will wither and die. Of course, there is a third component; the nutrients that feed the plant and enables it to reach towards the sky. As I write this, it doesn't seem that difficult to achieve these three goals. However, several plants of my past would vehemently disagree (if they were still around).

It must be so difficult for life to take hold in such a depressing situation. For something of beauty, that can create more beauty and life, to grow in such a bleak environment. As Master Masons, we can relate to such an analogy. In the darkness of our world, we still can plant our own seeds, and introduce some beauty into this world, of course, we must heed caution, and the four cardinal virtues can help guide us. If we focus, our own plants (our thoughts) can emerge from the darkest environments, but too much focus can cause drown them out, and prevent them from rooting.

As I continued to drive, my mind started to wander, as it tends to do, about the transformation of that seed into a plant. A plant large enough to be seen from the road. I can imagine that perhaps for a year, thousands of cars passed that plant. I was driving through the middle of Providence on Rt. 95 at approximately 55 miles per hour. I wonder how many fly right by, without looking up and contemplating this magical event. I don't fault them, as many of us progress through every day without noticing the sadness of a friend…we are all just too busy.

Obviously, this seemingly simple event made an impact on me. We all plant seeds each and every day, both in our minds and in the minds of others. The world appears so dark to me these days. The hoarding rooted in selfishness and the political cow patties over-fertilizing. What seeds will you plant?

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

The Perils of the Perfect Ashlar

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Robert E. Jackson

Several months ago, I started a journey. I was on a path to research the mysteries of Masonry and life in general, meditating daily, studying the blogs and making sure that I read something every day. I was in search of the Perfect Ashlar, and I was determined to get there. It wasn't for notoriety, or fame, or to be some master guru, it was just to be better. I needed to be better. My friends and Brothers deserved a better me. My wife and kids, my family, deserved a better me. The problem was, it wasn't me.

I was convinced that every mistake I made, every wrong turn, was another part of the rough ashlar that needed to be processed. The path became a series of checklists, and each task marked complete meant being closer to that perfect ashlar. Each task not complete, drove me deep into the recesses of that rough ashlar into both a figurative and literal, depression. That mental state was viewed as yet another imperfection of the ashlar, driving me further down into a horrible cycle. It was as if I was following a map, a path to enlightenment. Every wrong term, every missed step, needed to result in punishment, or I would be doomed to make the mistake again. It all simply told me that I just wasn't working hard enough.

This impacted every aspect of my life…as a Brother, as a Scoutmaster, husband, father, friend, etc. Every interaction was an apology, another area where I fell short of what my false self was telling me to be. I very quickly found out that one of the driving factors behind this obsession, was a massive fear of rejection. Friends, colleagues, family, will see me as less than what I am…God forbid they would see me for who I really am. And my kids…my kids deserve so much better. They deserve a better Father, the best that anybody could be. However, that strive to be the best ends up as unrealistic expectations placed upon their souls. By demonstrating this urge for perfection, my fear of negatively impacting them was coming to fruition. The very thing I was afraid of was happening.

So, I turned to therapy. I took a break from all education that wasn't related to figuring out what was going on…anything Masonic, work, or Scouting related that wasn’t urgent, had to be put on hold. After years of telling people that our brains are our own worst enemies, I had no choice but to see this in myself. One of the first books I read, Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie, revealed quite a bit. This can be dangerous, however, because there is always the possibility of contracting "Medical Students' Disease." For those not familiar, this is the phenomenon, often seen in medical students, where they are immediately inflicted with every disease and issue they read about. There was one particular section, however, related to perfectionism, where it felt like I was reading a story about my self. 

 
The perfectionist struggles daily with expecting things to be the way they are "supposed to be." There is some obsessive compulsive tendency here (like wanting dishes to be organized in a specific way). However, the majority of the feelings are around self loathing, and resentment. I can certainly see how the resentment can ruin relationships for those that are vocal about their needs and desires. Projects and tasks should be performed in a certain way. Any tasks I complete, must be maintained exactly as how I've done it (again, reference dishes). When combined with the self loathing, however, every time a task wasn't done as I felt it should be done, it became my personal problem. Either I would recognize that the inability to accept other implementations was another fracture in my rough ashlar. Or in some cases, I would blame myself for not communicating my intentions well enough. Certainly there were successes and great accomplishments, but those all belonged to my team members or partners. I was not permitted to enjoy the success…as it wasn't mine.

Another battle of the perfectionist is the take on as many new projects as possible. This was completely obvious in my life, and I can't remember a time where I didn't take on whatever was thrown at me. Looking back, in college, this actually resulted in a physical battle with mononucleosis that lasted over a month. I couldn't give up though. I couldn't stop, no matter how much I was hurt…just like an addiction. Something inside my mind kept pushing me for the next project, the next contribution, for if I was able to do more, I would be more indispensable. I could become not just the perfect ashlar, but the corner stone! That same corner stone that was rejected so many times.

At this point, I feel it necessary to explain that there is a significant difference between seeking sympathy, wanting the 'pity party', and self loathing. The former seeks the attention, the assistance, while the latter hides behind the smiles and laughter. Self loathing often results in seclusion, and withdrawal from society, even though the camaraderie might be what we need most. Thinking about the law of attraction, and the impacts our feelings have on others, there is a fear (yup, another fear) that by introducing ourselves into a concert or meeting when we aren't in the "right mind" may end up negatively impacting others. At one point, I almost skipped our Lodge of Instruction (a monthly district gathering we have in Massachusetts). My good friend, Brother, and Midnight Freemason contributor Erik Marks was speaking. I was so looking forward to this lecture, but I didn't want to poison the room, so I was going to stay home. I forced myself to go, and I left that meeting a different person. Not just his presentation about meditation and contemplative thought, but simply being there with my Brothers made such an impact. I was also able to speak with some of my Brothers about my struggles, trying to understand the difference between Self Compassion, and Self Centeredness. This distinction continues to be a struggle.

We often talk about the Ego - the inner mind. For most of my life. I was convinced that our Ego was merely the inner self that was the antithesis to Charity. From the King James Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:5 states that,

 "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;"

 Our Ego is self promotional, overbearing, pushing down others to make us feel better. I was so convinced that this was the only possible existence of Ego, my way of battling the Ego was to attempt to eliminate any aspect of selfishness. Ultimately this led the path to Echoism, and I was convinced that this was my way. This was how I was to serve mankind, and if I screwed up, it became a personal failure. Eventually the depression of not letting go of the past, transformed into an anxiety of making the wrong decisions in the future. At some points, the anxiety became debilitating, and once again, the fear became reality.

Eventually, with help, I realized that this was exactly what my Ego was doing. What makes me so special? I truly believe that there is a sense of divinity in us all. An unfettering compassion and love that is to be shared with others, and that's what makes us beautiful. I couldn't believe that I had it, because I'm fundamentally flawed. But what makes me so special to be imperfect and not worthy of this love, when so many others, even people I just met, are deserving of the love and compassion that I can offer?

Ryan Flynn has some amazing presentations…one of my favorite's is the Divine Master. 

Brother Flynn was talking about Michelangelo's early life, some of the people he kept company with, and learned from, and of course some of his greatest works of art. This is such a thought provoking presentation, and really enforces the idea of 'hidden in plain sight.' I truly love some of the linkages between our lessons of today, and those of the very distant past. At one point, Brother Flynn discussed the rough and perfect ashlars, and alchemy, and transformation, and simply making yourself better. Sometimes that ashlar appears to be so rough, it's hard to imagine that ever becoming even close to something beautiful. And yet, the amazing marble that was used to carve Michelangelo's David, possibly one of his most famous works, was discarded, judged by other artists to be useless. I’m certainly not comparing myself to the amazing artists of the renaissance, but at that point in time, I realized that I dismissed my own ashlar. Brother Flynn mentioned a very inspiring quote from Michelangelo…

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

I couldn't believe that there was such beauty inside of me. There I was, surrounded by my Brothers, and one of my favorite speakers, and I was drifting off, because the Ego was once again taking control. On my way home, I continued to think about this quote. There is a beauty within us all-- including me. I started again down that dangerous path, though. "If I get to this point, I'll be better. Once I perfect this lecture, I'll be a better Mason. Once I attain enlightenment, I'll be healthier. Once I read this book, I'll be smarter."

Another book I was introduced to along the path, was Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now. This book had a great impact with a very dear friend of mine (not a Mason), but after reading I learned that several Masons that I admire have incorporated many of the concepts of this book. Tolle speaks of time as a fabrication of man. Within the animal kingdom, we are the only beings (that we know of) that ruminate over the past, and fear the future. The only point in time that matters to any of us, is right now, this very moment, this very breath. Once we can let go of "when I can…I'll be happy," only then can we truly be happy. I could understand the concept, but again, application of that tool eluded me. It was as if I was in the LEGO movie, looking for the instructional books as I was not yet a 'master builder'. If only I could attain enlightenment. That simple statement, that goal, was putting me back into mind, time, and removed me from the Now. One of my favorite lines from this book, so far, is,

"The past is the past, and there isn't anything that can be done to change that. The future is the future, and whatever happens, will happen."

I still struggle, every day. Even writing this paper caused me to reflect greatly on past behavior. Additionally, there remains a part of me that believes that by overcoming this obsessive quest for the Perfect Ashlar, I can be a better Brother, Scoutmaster, Father, Husband, Friend. I am learning, though, that the kindness and Love that you give to others will never last, if you don't have kindness and Love for yourself.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org