Must Love be Bounded?

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson

My Brothers, my last piece I wrote of the frustrations of Social Media and the pain induced by the media we are fed each day. I wanted to continue that journey down a separate path, further articulating that pain, in hopes of understanding the waves of depression that the smallest stone can create. If we want to change our path, we must recognize the impacts of our current course.

As I retreated from social media, I found solace within other screens...video games and television. Streaming media services and online gaming are two industries benefiting greatly by our current ‘situation.’ As I was seeking a new escape, I came across a show from a few years ago entitled "Hannibal." As you may have guessed, the program reviews the earlier professional life of the infamous Hannibal Lecter, prior to Silence of the Lambs and Anthony Hopkins' portrayal of that character. One of the main characters within the show, Will Graham, portrays a brilliant yet troubled mind that is able to identify and track down the most disturbed criminals. Will has the innate ability to get into the mind of the killer, understanding their thoughts and motivations, in order to track them down. Unfortunately, this ability comes at a price…feeling the torment of the criminal, internalizing the feeling that not only drives the horrid actions, but the aftermath as well. It was mentioned that Will's empathy for the killer, the gift that allows him to solve these crimes, also torments his mind. Something about this statement resonated with me, so I started researching.

As I scoured the interwebs for information related to social media and depression, the vast majority of articles focused on the aforementioned phenomenon of Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. Tying empathy with depression brought about articles like this one discussing how those with depression often suppress their own internal feelings as a mode of survival. Unfortunately, when you spend so much time trying to bury your own feelings, the feelings of those around you are often tossed into the same grave. If we flip that scenario, however, we might think that the happiness and achievements of others can raise us from our depression. By becoming that Perfect Ashlar, we can foster the happiness and joy in others, and feel the joy within our own hearts. But in 2020, when there is so much unhappiness and anger, it drives you further into the depressive state. Further into that chasm.

So I slightly altered my search, considering the reflective feelings I internalize from so many others. Eventually, I did find an article from the Washington Post examining how high levels of empathy can not only mentally, but also physiologically, negatively impact the subjects. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, states in the article that “those who regularly prioritize others' emotions over their own are more susceptible to experiencing anxiety or low-level depression.” The specific phrase, “prioritize others’ emotion over their own” was particularly resonating, as I recognized within myself that my own perceived happiness was conceived in the happiness of others.

Another paper, entitled "Empathy and depression: The moral system on overdrive" provided more detail into this phenomenon (much more than I could comprehend). The article states that "People who are depressed most often have normal or elevated levels of empathy; however, their affect-directed, automatic causal interpretations of pain in others are often disturbed, leading to non-conscious assertions of blame, usually placed on themselves." I've written before about Echoism in the Perils of the Perfect Ashlar, so the self loathing was no stranger to me. Following on this thread, the paper asserts that "Depressives are rarely thinking exclusively about the self; instead, they are often dwelling on how they might endanger others, or on their beliefs - often false- that they have harmed others in the past." Overlay these claims with the nonstop animosity we are exposed to every day, and the source of the pain becomes so incredibly obvious.

These new data points within my brain confused me as much as they resonated with me. Wasn’t empathy a good thing, a trait we should all strive for within our daily lives? One could likely argue that with Empathy, those ruffians who created such heinous acts would never have been dealt with accordingly. Was King Solomon’s sentencing simply unjust? Perhaps, similar to other aspects within life, there is a balance that is required, an equilibrium, with Empathy. But what is the opposition to Empathy? When I read the antonyms to the term Empathy, they are all characteristics which we have been taught should be avoided. Detachment. Antagonism. Emotionless. Coldness. These are the characteristics of the psychopathic killer we see portrayed in various forms of media, including the aforementioned show ‘Hannibal.’ So why would you want to achieve balance with a trait that has always been portrayed as something to correct?

As you may have noticed, my writing often creates more questions than answers, after all, the only answers that matter are those we can discover within ourselves. Thus far, within our lessons, I’ve failed to find the guidance of keeping Empathy within due bounds. One could posit that Empathy is simply another passion that must be managed and controlled. But to me, this is a direct contradiction to the root of Charity; boundless and unconditional Love. These contradictions have left me at the proverbial ‘fork in the road.’ For those that have traveled, as well as those who find themselves stuck, let’s continue the conversation as Brothers and Friends. Perhaps this is where the bond of Brotherhood can quell the flames of humanity.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and recovering Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a solutions engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

The Anti-Social Impact of Social Media

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson

I was done…I had to quit. For my own mental stability (whatever was left) I just couldn't participate in the world of social media any longer. I've heard of others quitting, and removing themselves from the vitriol, but for so long I found humor and comradery in social media that brought me closer to friends past and present. However, within the dumpster fire of 2020, the good no longer outweighed the bad. In order to maintain a connection, I had to disconnect.

As I've written about before, I've been struggling with depression for years, most likely the vast majority of my life. The Brotherhood I found in Masonry helped with a great deal of those struggles, finding like minded men, socially interacting, and learning to accept our differences with an unconditional Love. Oftentimes, trying to understand these differences, the intent of their actions, causes doubts in our own personal evaluations. The Brotherly charity we exercise usually provides a bidirectional Love and understanding, but in the world of social media, sometimes even among Brothers, that charity seems to fade.

I started realizing that the more I saw on social media, the more upset I became. There was no opportunity for discussion or understanding. As the articles and posts arose, I found myself researching and trying to understand the motivation, the intent. The urge to understand each side became almost an obsession, and eventually, every post, every article, I found to be offensive and hurtful. I'm putting this out there because I found it hard to believe that I'm the only one that feels this, that struggles with the understanding.

With the perception of offense and hurt, I started wondering if I was just too weak, too sensitive. My own personal value dropped, further impacting my already low self esteem. I knew that no matter what I wrote, no matter how I countered, it wouldn't matter. I wasn't going to change anybody's mind, neither did I feel like I had the right to try.

Don't get me wrong, there is a clear positive side of social media. You are able to keep in contact with past and current friends. You can learn through incredible online lectures and presentations to entertain and educate. Especially now when our ability to interact in person has been so stifled, our dependency on social media has skyrocketed. Unfortunately, the common issue of "fear of missing out," sometimes referred to as "FOMO," grows with that increased dependency on electronic socializing. Even to the point where we hear about lectures and presentations after the fact, there is a sadness in not being able to attend, or worse, not being invited.

This fear of missing out, fear of exclusion, has driven mankind to horrible actions in the past. Is it possible to wholeheartedly believe that the world you see is curated, and what you’re seeing isn’t real? Or do those images settle within the recesses brain, always making you wonder if you’ve made a wrong decision, or just aren’t worthy? Almost as if you’re an outsider, unable to gain access to the inner circle of life without the proper password. That inner circle, however, is filled with little more than perception and imagination. These fabrications of the mind germinate and fertilize our pain, thereby feeding the FOMO.

There is another fear within the realm of social media, seemingly much more rare than FOMO, and that's the fear of rejection. Fear that whatever you post, whether serious or intended for humor, will offend or hurt somebody. At best, they will appreciate the humor, and laugh with you. Others may keep their feelings to themselves. At worst, however, the judge and jury of social media commit you to death. Before you know it, you've been labeled with one of the many labels we seem to inflict on ourselves and those around us. For many it appears they can compartmentalize these rebuttals, and shrug them off. To me, it's a horrible feeling of rejection, denial, and suppression of thought. When I see these attacks happening among Brothers, friends, acquaintances, the pain becomes personal, regardless of my involvement in the ‘conversation.’ 

The engineer in me must identify the source that drives these attacks. Is there an anger embedded so deep within humanity that continues to grow unchecked? Or perhaps the problem is solely within myself, being too ‘soft,’ allowing the worst of humanity to penetrate my own Sanctum Sanctorum and discounting the ‘good’ in the world. It just appears to me that an increasing number of people want the anger, the fighting, as the best way to conquer a people is to divide them. This belief brings about a level of contempt for the attacker, and likely my current disdain for "news" (and now social) media. It seems like in these areas all we see are the attacks and wrongdoings of the 'others.'

The contempt that grows within myself, however, doesn’t eradicate the need to understand the motivations and the intent of the attacker. My heart, however, lies with those being attacked. Even if I disagree with their position , I feel they deserve to be heard and as humans we should work to understand. The communication and charity, true tolerance, must happen if we are going to dampen the anger. However, in the world of COVID 19, loss of freedoms, and severe racial disputes, it feels completely hopeless. The rage and hatred, regardless of where people lie on the political spectrum, feels like a poison spreading through our society. The problem is, legislation, social distancing, and required face coverings appear to spread the poison, rather than curtail it.

When I discuss with an effort to understand, and perhaps appear to defend those attacked, I feel the hatred and anger directed to me. What have I done? I just want them to see the other side, try to understand where people are coming from, but now I've hurt the very people I care about. What I want, my desires, and through my actions, have now caused more pain; and I do hope that we can all agree that this world needs less pain. What consistently eludes us all is the path to get there.

I firmly believe that path is hidden within our rituals, within the lessons of Freemasonry. A path that has been laid out by some of the greatest thinkers of humanity. However, only those that seek the path will ever find it. Even upon search, it is possible that we’ll become lost within our own thoughts. I truly fear this cycle of pain will continue, progressively getting worse, until the very foundation of humanity, true Charity, crumbles to dust. My Brothers, my Friends, I need help. We all need help. How do we arrange the Harmony within this Chaos? How do we uncover the Benevolence in the face of Anger? Can we even right this ship, or shall we simply release the tiller, embrace the suffering, and allow the wind to carry us to that “undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns.”

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past and presiding Master of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org