Don't Fake It Until You Make It

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert H. Johnson

Recently I was asked to watch a video for school. It was a twenty-minute TED Talk featuring Dr. Amy Cudder. Her specialty? Non-verbal body mechanics and their effect on others and ourselves. There was a lot in her talk in regards to what our body language tells others. However, that wasn't what this talk was about.

Her team of experts asked a question--Does our body language have an effect on our own minds? In short, the answer is yes. For instance, holding a pencil in your mouth, imitates a smiling face. The mere use of those muscles in this way for two minutes floods the brain with chemicals that elicit happy feelings.

Yep--Want to feel happy? Hold a pencil in your mouth for two minutes. But more importantly, they found that certain "power poses" like sitting openly, upright and bold for periods of just two minutes resulted in a 20% increase in testosterone and a 25% decrease in cortisol. This means more control and less stress--a critical psychological factor in the world's top leaders of companies.

All this was certainly interesting, but what caught my eye/ear more than anything else was her message about practicing these things to give yourself a confident edge. For instance, before a job interview, most people sit hunched over and staring at their phones. This is the opposite of a "power pose" and leads to reduced testosterone and an increase in cortisol. This put's you in a place that gives you significantly less of an edge in your interview.

If we practice these "power poses," these small tricks--there could be significant changes to your psyche, and the result could mean a more successful life.

How does this relate to the Craft? Well, indeed, you could put this into practice in leadership. But more than that, Dr. Cuddy's message was that you don't have to "Fake it until you make it." You can instead, "Fake it until you become it." Let me explain. For her studies, they attempted to get people with low self-esteem to change it by trying these "power poses." But not to just temporarily increase the self-esteem--to fake it for the current situation. A permanent change--a life-changing one.

In Freemasonry, we consistently remind ourselves of the virtues and values we hold dear. Prudence, Temperance, Justice, Fortitude, Faith, Hope, and Charity. Even if we aren't great at practicing these virtues, talking about them--pretending we're good at them...over time might result in the effect we're looking for.

As we consistently expose ourselves to these tenets, we necessarily change the way our behaviors are exhibited. We talk more about prudent action, we become more circumspect in our decision making. If we converse about Justice, our thoughts and actions become more equitable to our fellows. If we speak of Temperance often enough, we might avoid that extra drink at the office party. If we keep the idea of Fortitude in our minds, we begin to overcome adversity and stand for the right things.

To sum all this up, it seems like what Dr. Cuddy offers to the profane world is something we've been doing for a long time. I do like her twist on the saying--"Fake it until we become it." Because it gives us hope that we will, in fact, become better people.

Finally, I wish to direct anyone who wishes to view her TED Talk to do so. And also, anyone who thinks they've made the transition already to read Ill. Bro. Brian Pettice's latest work by clicking HERE. As for me, I'm still working on it.

Signed,
A Big Ol' Faker
~RHJ

The Perils of the Perfect Ashlar

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Robert E. Jackson

Several months ago, I started a journey. I was on a path to research the mysteries of Masonry and life in general, meditating daily, studying the blogs and making sure that I read something every day. I was in search of the Perfect Ashlar, and I was determined to get there. It wasn't for notoriety, or fame, or to be some master guru, it was just to be better. I needed to be better. My friends and Brothers deserved a better me. My wife and kids, my family, deserved a better me. The problem was, it wasn't me.

I was convinced that every mistake I made, every wrong turn, was another part of the rough ashlar that needed to be processed. The path became a series of checklists, and each task marked complete meant being closer to that perfect ashlar. Each task not complete, drove me deep into the recesses of that rough ashlar into both a figurative and literal, depression. That mental state was viewed as yet another imperfection of the ashlar, driving me further down into a horrible cycle. It was as if I was following a map, a path to enlightenment. Every wrong term, every missed step, needed to result in punishment, or I would be doomed to make the mistake again. It all simply told me that I just wasn't working hard enough.

This impacted every aspect of my life…as a Brother, as a Scoutmaster, husband, father, friend, etc. Every interaction was an apology, another area where I fell short of what my false self was telling me to be. I very quickly found out that one of the driving factors behind this obsession, was a massive fear of rejection. Friends, colleagues, family, will see me as less than what I am…God forbid they would see me for who I really am. And my kids…my kids deserve so much better. They deserve a better Father, the best that anybody could be. However, that strive to be the best ends up as unrealistic expectations placed upon their souls. By demonstrating this urge for perfection, my fear of negatively impacting them was coming to fruition. The very thing I was afraid of was happening.

So, I turned to therapy. I took a break from all education that wasn't related to figuring out what was going on…anything Masonic, work, or Scouting related that wasn’t urgent, had to be put on hold. After years of telling people that our brains are our own worst enemies, I had no choice but to see this in myself. One of the first books I read, Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie, revealed quite a bit. This can be dangerous, however, because there is always the possibility of contracting "Medical Students' Disease." For those not familiar, this is the phenomenon, often seen in medical students, where they are immediately inflicted with every disease and issue they read about. There was one particular section, however, related to perfectionism, where it felt like I was reading a story about my self. 

 
The perfectionist struggles daily with expecting things to be the way they are "supposed to be." There is some obsessive compulsive tendency here (like wanting dishes to be organized in a specific way). However, the majority of the feelings are around self loathing, and resentment. I can certainly see how the resentment can ruin relationships for those that are vocal about their needs and desires. Projects and tasks should be performed in a certain way. Any tasks I complete, must be maintained exactly as how I've done it (again, reference dishes). When combined with the self loathing, however, every time a task wasn't done as I felt it should be done, it became my personal problem. Either I would recognize that the inability to accept other implementations was another fracture in my rough ashlar. Or in some cases, I would blame myself for not communicating my intentions well enough. Certainly there were successes and great accomplishments, but those all belonged to my team members or partners. I was not permitted to enjoy the success…as it wasn't mine.

Another battle of the perfectionist is the take on as many new projects as possible. This was completely obvious in my life, and I can't remember a time where I didn't take on whatever was thrown at me. Looking back, in college, this actually resulted in a physical battle with mononucleosis that lasted over a month. I couldn't give up though. I couldn't stop, no matter how much I was hurt…just like an addiction. Something inside my mind kept pushing me for the next project, the next contribution, for if I was able to do more, I would be more indispensable. I could become not just the perfect ashlar, but the corner stone! That same corner stone that was rejected so many times.

At this point, I feel it necessary to explain that there is a significant difference between seeking sympathy, wanting the 'pity party', and self loathing. The former seeks the attention, the assistance, while the latter hides behind the smiles and laughter. Self loathing often results in seclusion, and withdrawal from society, even though the camaraderie might be what we need most. Thinking about the law of attraction, and the impacts our feelings have on others, there is a fear (yup, another fear) that by introducing ourselves into a concert or meeting when we aren't in the "right mind" may end up negatively impacting others. At one point, I almost skipped our Lodge of Instruction (a monthly district gathering we have in Massachusetts). My good friend, Brother, and Midnight Freemason contributor Erik Marks was speaking. I was so looking forward to this lecture, but I didn't want to poison the room, so I was going to stay home. I forced myself to go, and I left that meeting a different person. Not just his presentation about meditation and contemplative thought, but simply being there with my Brothers made such an impact. I was also able to speak with some of my Brothers about my struggles, trying to understand the difference between Self Compassion, and Self Centeredness. This distinction continues to be a struggle.

We often talk about the Ego - the inner mind. For most of my life. I was convinced that our Ego was merely the inner self that was the antithesis to Charity. From the King James Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:5 states that,

 "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;"

 Our Ego is self promotional, overbearing, pushing down others to make us feel better. I was so convinced that this was the only possible existence of Ego, my way of battling the Ego was to attempt to eliminate any aspect of selfishness. Ultimately this led the path to Echoism, and I was convinced that this was my way. This was how I was to serve mankind, and if I screwed up, it became a personal failure. Eventually the depression of not letting go of the past, transformed into an anxiety of making the wrong decisions in the future. At some points, the anxiety became debilitating, and once again, the fear became reality.

Eventually, with help, I realized that this was exactly what my Ego was doing. What makes me so special? I truly believe that there is a sense of divinity in us all. An unfettering compassion and love that is to be shared with others, and that's what makes us beautiful. I couldn't believe that I had it, because I'm fundamentally flawed. But what makes me so special to be imperfect and not worthy of this love, when so many others, even people I just met, are deserving of the love and compassion that I can offer?

Ryan Flynn has some amazing presentations…one of my favorite's is the Divine Master. 

Brother Flynn was talking about Michelangelo's early life, some of the people he kept company with, and learned from, and of course some of his greatest works of art. This is such a thought provoking presentation, and really enforces the idea of 'hidden in plain sight.' I truly love some of the linkages between our lessons of today, and those of the very distant past. At one point, Brother Flynn discussed the rough and perfect ashlars, and alchemy, and transformation, and simply making yourself better. Sometimes that ashlar appears to be so rough, it's hard to imagine that ever becoming even close to something beautiful. And yet, the amazing marble that was used to carve Michelangelo's David, possibly one of his most famous works, was discarded, judged by other artists to be useless. I’m certainly not comparing myself to the amazing artists of the renaissance, but at that point in time, I realized that I dismissed my own ashlar. Brother Flynn mentioned a very inspiring quote from Michelangelo…

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

I couldn't believe that there was such beauty inside of me. There I was, surrounded by my Brothers, and one of my favorite speakers, and I was drifting off, because the Ego was once again taking control. On my way home, I continued to think about this quote. There is a beauty within us all-- including me. I started again down that dangerous path, though. "If I get to this point, I'll be better. Once I perfect this lecture, I'll be a better Mason. Once I attain enlightenment, I'll be healthier. Once I read this book, I'll be smarter."

Another book I was introduced to along the path, was Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now. This book had a great impact with a very dear friend of mine (not a Mason), but after reading I learned that several Masons that I admire have incorporated many of the concepts of this book. Tolle speaks of time as a fabrication of man. Within the animal kingdom, we are the only beings (that we know of) that ruminate over the past, and fear the future. The only point in time that matters to any of us, is right now, this very moment, this very breath. Once we can let go of "when I can…I'll be happy," only then can we truly be happy. I could understand the concept, but again, application of that tool eluded me. It was as if I was in the LEGO movie, looking for the instructional books as I was not yet a 'master builder'. If only I could attain enlightenment. That simple statement, that goal, was putting me back into mind, time, and removed me from the Now. One of my favorite lines from this book, so far, is,

"The past is the past, and there isn't anything that can be done to change that. The future is the future, and whatever happens, will happen."

I still struggle, every day. Even writing this paper caused me to reflect greatly on past behavior. Additionally, there remains a part of me that believes that by overcoming this obsessive quest for the Perfect Ashlar, I can be a better Brother, Scoutmaster, Father, Husband, Friend. I am learning, though, that the kindness and Love that you give to others will never last, if you don't have kindness and Love for yourself.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

When Was the Last Time You Asked for Help?

The universe is listening, are you?

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bro. Michael Arce

The first time I took a knee and asked something larger than myself for help, it felt a little weird. Truth be told, it probably looked odd if someone walked out outside to see me kneeling on my back deck, staring up to the stars, doing what looked like talking to myself. At the time, I was in my second year of Masonry and contemplating a job offer. I had spoken with my closest friends and Brothers, getting their insight to help in my decision. It was one of those moments where I had to do choose what was right for me, my family, and my future. The words from our ritual came from a whisper to my soul. I stepped out to the deck that evening to seek a quiet place to ask the Supreme Architect of the Universe for inspiration on this important undertaking.

We are told in our ritual that before any great decision or undertaking, we should invoke the aid of deity. Yet another one of those lines that is so obvious its more substantial impact goes unnoticed. Invoke the aid of deity? "You mean, I should pray before I do anything? Who does that?" We all do it if you think about it. Whether it be for the light to turn green, seats (next to each other) for a movie premiere, dinner to be ready when we get home, or a strong fantasy football performance this weekend; we've all ASKED the universe for something. Most of the time, it is for the tiny little things that are somewhat out of our control, and those prayers go unanswered. No biggie.

But when one of those BIG ASKS comes through, we are genuinely enlightened. Those needs feel different. We approach those decisions with a length of caution that would rival drive-home traffic on a weekday in any city or town. Like a hunter lining up a prize-winning shot, great or important undertakings demand our complete dedication and mental focus. These thoughts consume us to the point of almost overwhelming our conscious. A great or important undertaking is a milestone moment in life. I consider myself fortunate as a man and Mason, that I recognize the significance of these moments and have the knowledge to pause and seek time to call upon deity.

As much as my relationship with others has improved through my continuous study of our work, my understanding of the Supreme Architect of the Universe (SAU) has dramatically improved. For one, I have learned to ask for protection, inspiration, or support as I consider BIG decisions or moments. I treat these moments much differently than when I prayed as a younger man. Those prayers were like the "wish list" I would show my parents when it came to Christmas gift shopping. (Side note: I still miss the fights with my younger brother when "took turns" circling every other thing in the Sears Holiday catalogs.) My conversations with the SAU aren't commonplace, probably a handful over the year.

The second area of my relationship with the SAU that has improved is in understanding our communication is more than one-way; it speaks to me as well. I've done a better job of listening, and I mean really listening to when the universe speaks to me. And when it does, there's no mistaking it! It started about two years ago. After a lifetime of being a "planner," something finally clicked. I took a step back and realized that when I let things fall into place, the feeling of a "missed opportunity" ended. Matter of fact, doors opened, and I started seeing the whole chessboard, not just the top of the pieces. I realized that in my interactions with others, the SAU was connecting with me.

Here is how I explain it. Place your hand's palms up in front of you. Your fingertips should be pointing towards the sky. Now, slowly rotate your fingers so that, like gears in a clock, the fall into place as you turn your hands to the floor. Go ahead; I'll give you a few seconds to try this. Felt pretty cool, right?!? In this experiment, one hand represents our desires and passions. On the other, the opportunities presented in life. If one hand moves faster than the other, fingers miss, points collide or cross, and a void is created. We must then reset our hands and adjust the speed to make that seamless transaction.

When we as Masons invoke the aid of deity, we are, in essence, adjusting the speed to open our minds to receive the instruction of a higher power. We are preparing our ambitions, desires, dreams, and goals to take the role of that leaf that travels gently down the stream, avoid the distraction and detours of rocks and fallen branches. Putting faith in deity doesn't mean that you act remotely or as a conductor, waiting for direction or responding to commands. No, one must still possess an internal drive, the inertia, the unmistakable energy fueled by passion and desire. The difference is allowing deity to act as the governor, the distant yet ever-present voice of clarity.

As we learn to listen to the universe, we can recognize those hidden opportunities and make wise adjustments in our journey that provide beautiful experiences that make life the greatest gift we have. This is great for those who embrace or are enlightened to our teachings. But what about those who are not members of our fraternity? Does this mean that they cannot enjoy sublime moments or benefit from invoking a higher power for counsel? There was little need for investigation as again; the universe provided the answer.

Earlier this year, I connect with Bro. Matthew MacIntosh a member of Morgantown Union Lodge #4 of the Grand Lodge of West Virginia. Outside of the Craft, the only connections that Matt and I share are very loose: fathers, husbands, and fans of Brad Paisley. I'll take that back; he may be a fan of New York-style pizza. Matt messaged me with thoughts on an article I had written on the need for listening to those offering Masonic Education in blue lodge. We've had a couple of hour-long phone conversations about other areas of the fraternity, stretching from the road to the East, ritual study tips, and welcoming new members into our fraternity.

While I was collecting my thoughts for this article, Matt sent me one of his regular "Good Morning, my Brother" texts to share some exciting news. This is what he sent... "I have a Brother in Pennsylvania that called me out of the blue. He had found a bible through a non-Mason friend. Anyhow the Bible had Morgantown Union Lodge No. 4 on it, so he called me. It had our member's name in it, and he had actually passed to the celestial lodge above last winter. The real scary part about this was... it was the Grandfather of the candidate I am working with right now. WOW!!! Was my response to all of this. So needless to say, I now have the Bible in my possession and will present it to our candidate upon his being raised to the sublime degree of Master Mason... what a small world we live in, my Brother!"

My response included how coincidental (not really) that his text was that morning, the news of a gentleman finding Masonry by "chance." What followed was a discussion on how the SAU presents these moments in our life for a reason, for us to seek and understand. Matt's response perfectly summarizes the deeper meaning. "So true, I have always told my wife that he just puts me in the right places at the right time, and I never question."

~MA

Brother Michael Arce is a member of Mt. Zion #311, Troy, New York. When not in Lodge, Bro. Arce is the Marketing Manager for Capital Cardiology Associates in Albany, New York. He enjoys meeting new Brothers and hearing how the Craft has enriched their lives. He can be reached at michael.arce@me.com

Affiliate Locally

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bro. Erik Marks

Disambiguation: there are many lodges named Beacon, I’m not writing about a specific lodge with that name. I write about the way some lodges come to be bright centers of light, referred to herein as “beacons.”

It is an odd statement to make, I admit. Traveling in pouring rain on Sunday, I had been thinking about some brothers’ I’ve recently met who either belong to Ezekiel Bates Lodge in Attleboro, MA, (EBL) or present there for Masonic Con. One brother urged me to make it a point to be present for the 2020 events. We could meet in person for the first time, and I would see brothers with whom I labor alongside. It will be wonderful: April 18, 2020. I’ll go. If you are nearby, or able to travel, I hear its worth our while.

On my rainy-day reflective drive, it seemed exciting to affiliate with EBL in the coming year. I would be part of the lodge. And, both by association and being able attend regularly, I would expand my masonic education and experience. What a boon I live so close to such a beacon of light, I thought. Listening to podcasts, reading post on line, talking brothers who I admire and now call friends, I’ve learned about a handful of lodges I think of as beacons of masonic light. They do their part to keep us, Freemasonry, off that deadly area of shore we learned about, that part with the tide… Further, they guide us toward greater knowledge and inspiration to work on ourselves more effectively. They shine as examples of what lodge can, and I suggest, needs to be—for me anyway. Though not bright in the same way as EBL, I know Alpha (my home) is a place where education is honored, valued, and implemented. Brothers care deeply for one another and offer educational experience I want and need. But I digress.

The moment I decided I would join EBL, the brake lights in front of me flared and burst my reverie. I did my best not to sail into the person before me and not slam my breaks too fast so the person behind me had time to stop as well. We were all fine, no bumps. In that moment, however, my mind went inexplicably and directly to the local lodge that is struggling; guys there had apologized to me on the open house day and lamented there wasn’t much education happening. Who needs me more? EBL or local lodge?

The answer was so clear. I can’t afford to apply to affiliate with two additional lodges. Therefore, if and when I am to affiliate with a place in addition to Alpha, my energy, extra time, and money, would be best spent at local. EBL doesn’t need me. I would affiliate not to be known as a member of a beacon lodge, but a local laborer. Maybe local would never become a beacon, but we could be brighter, with more members. EBL wouldn’t miss me and its not personal. I can still travel there and learn. But local would miss me, or any of us who head toward the brighter light out of ego, fomo, or just genuine excitement.

I’m not saying its problematic to join EBL or any beacon. Rather, sometimes the choice to move toward the dimmer parts have so much to offer, for everyone involved. So it is with our psyches. We avoid the darker aspects of self, leave them unexplored because its naturally harder work, more painful. But we also grow significantly when we do and in doing so become initiated to be able to handle more. We shine the light of presence and consciousness into the dark, and things change.

Because they are so brightly, nationally, internationally, Brethren will of course be drawn to our beacons, for excellent reasons. Beacon Lodges also do a great service to the profane world, showing off the best performances of what Masonry can look like. Their greater numbers and resources allow for ample In-depth education, an inspired and growing membership. The cycle continues as they expand, so do the resources, and they can offer more to more people, masons and greater community. Bravo! We need them.

Local needs me not because I have the answers. I don’t. I am just at the beginning. I’m trying to find my own way and answers. They can help. Local would have more problems than beacon, fewer men, less money, maybe aging property. I know membership is low, possibly dropping. Local needs me for the obvious reasons, but they also need me because I haven’t been raised by them. Exactly because we are unknown to one another, we have to do the intrapsychic and interpersonal work of harmoniously joining together to build. Using our universal tools and ritual makes this possible. We will all be improved by our efforts, through the common goal.

Maybe those of us who can only affiliate with one additional lodge, if any additional at all, would do the fraternity and local the greatest service by joining the least known with the fewest resources. I think it’s the right tactic in a larger strategy of education and offering to men everywhere the gift I’m so lucky and grateful to have received. And, quite selfishly, I would learn so much. If I could entice a few others to come with me to affiliate with local we would have a greater effect. It might be painful, it might be fun, it would be work. And its what we choose.

As I write, the somewhat frightening possibility that maybe I would choose to step in line with my affiliate lodge before doing so at home. I don’t think it would be taken as a betrayal if local was lacking a line to be able to operate. If a few of us could join simultaneously, we might be able to help relieve officers who have held the lodge up a long time and need some rest. I could even ask past officers from Alpha who have the time to fill in occasionally, more light.

This, brother, is my challenge to us both: When its time and if you can choose only one: don’t affiliate with the beacon lodges near you, or far from you. Avoid them not out of malice or disdain but with love and as an homage to their labors and light. Carry the inspiration they developed in you by their example. Not to compete with them, rather to build something sustainable for other locals to join—to strengthen the network. It could have possibilities of being new and different from whence you came. Or, maybe building a solid, sustaining, masonic education would be enough.

~EAM

Brother Erik Marks is a clinical social worker whose usual vocation has been in the field of human services in a wide range of settings since 1990. He was raised in 2017 by his biologically younger Brother and then Worshipful Master in Alpha Lodge in Framingham, MA. You may contact brother Marks by email: erik@StrongGrip.org

Be A Warm Body

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Steven L. Harrison, 33°, FMLR

Attendance… just like the Old Gray Mare, it ain't what it used to be.

As much as ever, maybe more, family and job pressures continue to demand the part of our time we might otherwise be able to devote to outside activities like going to Lodge. Even more than that, we have become a society of non-participators. It's easier to stay at home and watch the latest on Netflix than to go out; and drooling into cell phones on anti-social media has replaced real group interaction. This phenomenon isn't limited just to the Freemasons. Nearly all fraternal organizations, churches, clubs, even once-popular sporting events are seeing an attendance decline. Organizations like these now lack something they used to have plenty of… warm bodies.

There's not much I can do to change society's juggernaut of non-participation. But I've decided to do what little I can. I've declared myself to be a warm body. I'm making every effort to show up where I can, when I can. That's my warm body motto: "… where I can, when I can."

Of course, being a warm body carries with it certain responsibilities. You show up at a meeting these days, you're probably going to be asked to do more. That's OK. I have no intention of going through the officer's line again, but you need a Marshal… I'll be your Marshal. And that's exactly what I am in my Lodge this year. In my Commandery, I've been Junior Warden seven years in a row. I've taken on other similar roles in other groups for one simple reason: so the head of that group has one less officer's chair to worry about filling. Still, the word "no" hasn't left my vocabulary. It doesn't have to for me to be a responsible warm body. You know… "where I can, when I can."

I'm pretty comfortable in my role as a warm body. It gets me out the door and to some meetings where I have a great time, learn something and would be sorry to have missed.

Just showing up is a prerequisite to active participation. Looking at it in that light, we really do need more warm bodies. Try it. Next time you just don't feel like going to a Lodge meeting, put down the TV remote, silence your cell phone and head out. The guys you see there will be glad you did and I'm betting so will you. Be a warm body. It sounds trivial, but it's one of the most important things you can do for the fraternity.

~SLH

Bro. Steve Harrison, 33° , is Past Master of Liberty Lodge #31, Liberty, Missouri. He is also a Fellow and Past Master of the Missouri Lodge of Research. Among his other Masonic memberships are the St. Joseph Missouri Valley of the Scottish Rite, Liberty York Rite bodies, and Moila Shrine. He is also a member and Past Dean of the DeMolay Legion of Honor. Brother Harrison is a regular contributor to the Midnight Freemasons blog as well as several other Masonic publications. Brother Steve was Editor of the Missouri Freemason magazine for a decade and is a regular contributor to the Whence Came You podcast. Born in Indiana, he has a Master's Degree from Indiana University and is retired from a 35 year career in information technology. Steve and his wife Carolyn reside in northwest Missouri. He is the author of dozens of magazine articles and three books: Freemasonry Crosses the Mississippi, Freemasons — Tales From the Craft and Freemasons at Oak Island.

Where Ever You Go, There You Are

by Midnight Freemason Guest Contributor

Bro. Evve Kuykendall 

A few months ago and at the time of this writing, two well known celebrities had taken their own lives. Kate Spade, a well known fashion designer and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrated chef and television host, both died by all available accounts, at their own hands. For most, the depths of despair they felt as a result of their depression is unfathomable. They were, by almost any standard, successful, having fame, money, and strong carriers that have influenced millions of people worldwide.

And yet, they differed enough to resort to suicide. Why couldn’t they see everything they had to live for and all the good things in their lives? Why couldn’t they just “snap our of it” by practicing an “attitude of gratitude”? I mean, they had everything, right? Money? Check. Fame? Check. They had friends and family…why couldn’t they just get over it, especially for those they loved? They had the ability to travel anywhere and do anything…why didn’t they just take some time off to get happy?

Most of the those things had been posted on social media by people who were hurt or confused by their deaths.

What is that old saying?…”Where ever you go, there you are.”

As a younger man, I never really understood that saying. As far as tautologies go, that one really never landed for me. Until it did.

When I left active duty Air Force, I started dealing with a deep depression coupled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t really know why nor did I have any real coping mechanisms with which to handle it. I started pushing people away and didn’t want to see my friends because I felt even more alone and depressed when I was around them and other people. I could be in a room surrounded by people and feel completely alone. It took an incredible amount of psychological energy to be social, even for short periods. So, I stayed home alone. A LOT. My friends eventually stopped calling and inviting me to go places.

I blamed it it on my having gone back to school full time and of course working full time in order to pay my bills. I was exhausted and just needed sleep.

After I graduated and started my new career, I expected things to change and to have the energy to be social and reconnect with all my old friends—but they didn’t. I was starting a new job so I blamed the depression on the stress of financial insecurity and the loneliness. I blamed my friends for abandoning me when I needed them during school. In retrospect, that wasn’t the case at all.

I worked hard and after some time, received a job offer in another city and state and thought to myself, “Here is my chance for a clean break to start over in a place where I can be anyone I want to be!” So I loved.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The depression and suicidal thoughts followed me, which surprised me. I thought it was because my friends had abandoned me and the city I used to live in was lame. My job had me traveling 20-25 days a month, so once again, I blamed it on the long hours, jet lag, and loneliness.

A call came in that I would be moving again to an even more desirable city, at least socially speaking. I jumped at the chance for another change to move back to my home state of Texas, where I knew people and might have a leg up meeting people. I mean, there has to be a place meant for everyone, right? So, I moved again.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The travel stayed the same, but I was determined to be a happier person; to find fulfillment in my personal time and maybe even find someone special. So, I took some chances socially, connected with someone and started dating. It was slow going and we dated for almost a year before it was time to make the next step.

We moved in together and I started a business with the hopes that we would eventually run the business together. I thought I had finally overcome to darkness from which I had run so far. But the shadow was still there…and that someone special didn’t understand why I was angry and moody and sleepy, and didn’t want to be social. Predictably, everything fell apart. As a result, all that darkness that I thought had gone away or that I had locked away hadn’t gone away at all. It was just behind the door that had been thrown open with my breakup for me to deal with, all at once.

One night soon afterwards, I was texting with an old friend. I mentioned how bad things were going and that I only had one reason for not killing myself: my mother. I couldn’t stand the idea of knowing that I had hurt her with my actions, but that after she passed, I would have nothing tethering me to life. His response sticks with me to this day.

“You need to get help. Fast.”

I realized I had been too honest with him. He just didn’t get it. Doesn’t everyone feel like this from time to time? Isn’t depression normal? But, he got me thinking.

So, I decided that I since I was due for my annual checkup anyway, when I went to the doctor in a few days, I would bring this up to him and put it all behind me. He was going to tell me it was normal and that I just needed some sleep or to take some vitamins or prescribe me something that would turn me into a walking zombie.

I went to my doctor and as his assistant prepped me for the doctor, she peppered me with some questions. I told her that I had been feeling…depressed. She asked if I was having any suicidal thoughts.

“Well, yes,” I explained, “I think about killing myself all the time, but not in one of those ‘I’m gonna actually do it’ kind of ways. It’s more of a comforting, ‘I’m just thinking about it’ kind of ways.” As I heard myself saying it, I realized how crazy it sounded. And so did she.

I came to find out that I have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Its symptoms include social anxiety, depression, mood swings, suicidal thoughts…everything I had been dealing with for a decade or longer.

My doctor said, that along with treatment, I needed to begin working on myself. I needed to do things that I found enjoyable and helped me get out of my anxiety and depression. I had to find a way to start enjoying life again.

It had been so long since I had even considered life as something to be enjoyed. One would think such a task would be easy, but nothing was farther from the truth. I had difficulty finding anything that made me want to get out of bed, much less enjoy life again.

Across the street from where I worked was a Masonic Temple. "Wasn’t there a time when I was in the military that I had wanted to check them out or heard something good about those guys?"  I could check them out now. I worked across the street, for crying out loud. I have no excuse. And if they are weird or if it's some kind of cult, I could just say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” There was a possibility I might not even be invited to join the group. So I emailed the lodge secretary and made a subtle inquiry. I was told to come to fellowship night before the next stated meeting.

The night came and I was terrified. I. Was. Terrified. The anxiety of PTSD almost stopped me from walking across the street, but I was determined to stop letting this illness rule my life. So, I got up and walked across the street into a room full of strangers. Now, looking back, Freemasonry, the fraternity I love so much, was (and remains) part of my treatment.

So, I understand better than most what Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain were dealing with.

Where ever you go, there you are.

Depression is a part of you that cannot be escaped with vacations or fancy clothing, or great food, or friends. It isn’t a switch that can be turned off. It follows you everywhere you go, it influences every conversation and thought you have. It hides for periods of times, then re-emerges in different clothing, but it is the same old depression. It isn’t sadness. It is an emptiness—for me it is in my abdomen—a void that cannot be filled by food or alcohol or material stuff. It consumes everything good in your life and convinces your mind that you are alone and would be better off dead.

So, where ever you are, your depression is there, too, inevitably making it feel like everything would be better if it just…stopped

This is the first time I have ever spoken to anyone but family and close friends about my PTSD or my ongoing battle with it. I do so to implore our brethren to look out for one another. Look past the smiles and handshakes and self-deprecating jokes. There are brothers among us dealing with exactly what I am dealing with, some more successfully than others.

It was my brethren that have kept me here, even when they didn’t know it.

For those brother who are suffering, thinking there is no where to turn and no one that cares…there is hope and help, even when that voice is telling you that you are alone. You are loved. You are valued. You are a brother.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255

~EK

Bro. Evve Kuykendall is a Master Mason from St. Johns #51 in McKinney Texas.

He currently resides in Fort Worth, Texas and is a Veteran of the United States Air Force (1999-2005)—Air Traffic Control Specialist. He can be reached at evve.kuykendall@gmail.com

Masonic Holiday Shopping Guide

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Gregory J. Knott

The holiday season is upon us and now comes the dreaded decisions of what to get for everyone. If you have a Freemason you are shopping for, I have done some homework for you of where to get the very best in Masonic regalia, books and more.

Masonic Revival by brother Edgar Alejandro and has an excellent collection of ties, aprons, watches, cufflinks and more. Brother Alejandro’s designs are contemporary in nature with elegance and class. My favorite masonic tie is one I purchased from brother Alejandro. He also has designed numerous custom masonic pins, including the one this year for brother Bo Cook, the Most Excellent Grand High Priest of Royal Arch Masons in Illinois.

Ascended Masters Clothing by brother Carl Hern features some of the most unique masonic items coming out today. I have personally purchased two of his masonic pendants, which are unlike anything else on the market. He has items branded as “Bearded Builders” which are grooming items for that special person’s beard.

Cornerstone Publishers by brother Michael Poll has one of the best collections of masonic books currently in print. These feature a nice mix of new titles and some of the classics that have been reprinted. One of his books, “A Masonic Evolution: The New World of Freemasonry”, has been chosen by the Grand Lodge of Illinois. I have most of the current titles in my library and have enjoyed every one of them. Brother Poll is the current Editor of the Journal of The Masonic Society.

Moon and Son Publishers by Midnight Freemason Founder Todd E. Creason. Brother Creason has written five books including his award winning “Famous American Freemasons” series. Brother Creason and I are currently working on a new book that we hope will be in print in the first part of 2019. Stay tuned.

The Winding Stairs: Brother Juan Sepulveda is an artist who creates masonic art pieces, aprons with his fantastic art work and several original works. I am very impressed with his work that I find to be clear and crisp in its message. Brother Sepulveda’s “Light of Time” is proudly displayed in my office.

Travis Simpkins: Brother Simpkins has emerged as one of the premier masonic artists of his generation. His sketches of numerous masonic brethren both from the past and present have become exceedingly popular amongst the craft. The Valley of Danville hosted Brother Simkins and his wife Janet at their fall reunion. Janet is a talented artist in her own right. I have five pieces (four from Travis and one from Janet) in my personal collection. Brother Simkins is one of the contributors here at The Midnight Freemasons.

Whence Came You: This is our very own Brother Robert Johnson’s fantastic masonic education site. Earlier this year brother Johnson and brother Jon Ruark authored “It’s Business Time Adapting a Corporate Path for Freemasonry”. I was honored to write the review for this book. Brother Johnson offers a weekly podcast that is free for the downloading. He also offers some very fine pieces that help support the show including his new limited-edition pin designed by brother Alejandro of Masonic Revival.

I wish you all the best this holiday season.

~GJK

WB Gregory J. Knott is the Worshipful Master of Ogden Lodge No. 754 in Ogden (IL) and a plural member of St. Joseph Lodge No. 970 (IL), Homer Lodge No. 199 (IL) and Naval Lodge No. 4 in Washington, DC.

Adapting a Corporate Path for Freemasonry - The Cheese

By Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert H. Johnson

I’ve taken some serious time off lately. There, I said it. For almost ten (long) years, I made the Fraternity a priority. I had planned on retiring from many of my Masonic duties this coming October, at this years Grand Lodge Sessions in Springfield Illinois. Some things occured recently and have made that retirement sooner. As I've had much time recently to sit around and do (almost) nothing in regards to meetings and the like, I’ve really enjoyed spending quality time with my four kids.

I think my kids enjoy the time we spend together a lot as well, that is, when I’m not hounding them about closing the door, touching the thermostat, putting their shoes on the mat, picking up wrappers, and putting the milk away. We’ve really done some fun stuff. In my down time however, when I’m not hanging out with them or my wife, I notice my thoughts returning to the Craft.

Reading the various opinions, statements and diatribes from around the web on Freemasonry and its goings-on, whether here in Illinois or around the world for that matter, it’s really the same stuff I’d pontificated in my writings since I began. Read some old Manly P. Hall, read some old Mackey, Pike, Pottenger, Waite, it really doesn’t matter, you’ll find the guys 100 years ago are complaining about the same thing we are today. Attendance, Education etc etc. Regarding the blogs of today, sure there are some new takes on old problems, and those new takes get some guys really excited. Whilst I and others may not be thrilled, let’s face it, we’ve seen this kind of thing before. We should remember however, that the momentary bursts of wind, however stale we may think the air is, can still move a ship.

Concepts from the corporate world--seemingly weird common sense systems invented to sell books to CEOs worldwide are still prevalent in business today. Concepte that are seriously basic, and yet we treat these books or ideas like they’re the new gold standard for protocol. These ideas are making their way into Freemasonry. We’re trying to adapt the teachings and utilize them to motivate, accelerate and put into practice ideas and concepts which, may have a kind of impact on the fraternity that we’re looking for.

Some have claimed that these kinds of concepts are corporatizing Freemasonry. That we’re a Fraternity, not a business. I agree. But that really shouldn’t stop us from looking at how we can adapt successful systems, and see how it can be used to make Freemasonry better. I’ve joked with the always data-driven Jon Ruark about writing such a book, and it's on the way. But in this piece, I thought I might put to the reader a “Corporate Concept”, what it means generally, the critique of the concept and finally, how each part of it might be used within Freemasonry.

The first one comes to mind because I joke about it frequently, usually to my peers (who are much younger than me) and the response I get--a blank stare. They're just too young to remember, “Who Moved My Cheese?” Perhaps when they go through a corporate restructuring or acquisition, they might get a chance to read it. The book itself spent five years on the NY Times best seller list. “Who Moved My Cheese” is an allegory, something Masons should already be familiar with, that conveys a set of mantras if you will.

These mantras or sayings, are really aimed at the business, and whilst we’re not a business, it might be well to pay attention to them. What you need to know to understand them: Two “mice” are in a maze and they learn where the cheese is. They return everyday to eat it. Humans come and move the cheese and the “mice” get mad. One mouse becomes pessimistic, the other is scared. The “mice” are named “Hem” and “Haw”, you know a couple Maso…, I mean “Mice” by that name I’m sure. One of the “mice” decided to not live in fear any longer and to strike out to find the new cheese anyway. As this mouse is looking for the new cheese, he scrolls mantras on the walls as he realizes them, hoping if his friend ever decides to follow, he will read them and be changed. Here are those Mantras:

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese

Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

Monitor Change
Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

Adapt To Change Quickly
The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

Change

Move With The Cheese

Enjoy Change!

Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again

They Keep Moving The Cheese.

I’m sure you have ideas of how this could be applied to Masonry already. But before you jump the gun and write a lengthy response, your own article, or click “unfollow”, here are some main contentions with this analogy.

Firstly, that the “Cheese” doesn't matter. Rather, at a point in the allegory, one of the “mice” comes to believe that the cheese is really just a superficial way to get to happiness. It isn’t the grand aim or goal, it’s just a road to the goal. There may be others. Masonically, I think this could be related to a great many things; titles, appointments, degrees, being published, the list is as long as the day.

Secondly, that we’re comparing mice to men. We’re literally comparing the mice in the maze to the men in cubicles whilst the humans who move the cheese are our overlord bosses and corporate entities who are ruled by the evil board of directors in search of profits. Masonically, this could be how some see the Grand Lodge and it’s officers or perhaps how brothers of a local lodge see it’s executive officers.

Thirdly, that philosophically speaking, there just isn’t any cheese. It’s an existential crisis that leads one to the thought that no matter what, there are an infinite amount of roads and paths that lead to the issue. Masonically, maybe nothing matters but that you’re being fulfilled? I can let you think about this one. It is, existential after all.

So let’s address those Mantras one by one.

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese

In this mantra we should understand that the world continues to change and because of this, the people, the minds, the populace, will influence the changing of policies, the normalities of society and the rules to which we’re all held. Ultimately, we need to know this. Never for one second think that our Fraternity, just because we’re based on tradition and ancient rules and edicts, won't change. It will. You will see it. Be prepared mentally. 

Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

Here, we need to take what we just talked about and live by it. Understanding that the world, and all things therein contained will change. We must anticipate these changes. It allows us to stay on top of things. We can be proactive, instead of reactive. Strike first. This is important because it breeds an air of credibility in terms of relevance. If we’re viewed as antiquated, the organization will die. The teachings may live on in books, but you’ll not be reading your minutes or eating those green beans anymore in a tax exempt building. 

Monitor Change
Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

In this passage we should be charged to do our research. We should look around the bend, send a scout on ahead and send a report back. By doing this, we are prepared for the challenges that we’ll be facing shortly. There’s just no getting out of this one. We’ve spent so much time looking in and being concerned with our own Fraternity, the world that we once set an example to, has passed us by. You spend so much time being busy looking at how to stay the same rather than how to adapt, and surprise, it’s already too late to save ourselves, according to the mathematics. As Isaac Asimov once wrote in his quintessential sci-fi series, “Foundation”, the fall of the great Empire which has stood for 12,000 years will happen. And when it does, we will have 30,000 years of barbarism to look forward to. This is almost unavoidable. If we act now, we can cut the 30,000 years down to just 10,000. Work now to save not our children, but our ancestors in the distant future. 

Adapt To Change Quickly

The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

In this piece, we can say to ourselves, ‘Let go”. What that means to you, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a lodge, maybe it’s a scholarship program, maybe it's a proficiency requirement, I don’t really care. The point here is that if you can look to the future, see the dawn on the horizon and get excited about it, you can turn your back on the night that much easier. Let go of things that no longer have a place in today's world. You’re holding onto something, an idea that has no place in this current world in some respects. Do you sweep a carpet? Maybe sometimes. More often than not you’re using a vacuum. Who amongst you is demanding to use incandescent bulbs? Ditch the things we can ditch and latch on to new traditions. Get passionate about these new things. 

Change

Move With The Cheese

Here, the takeaway should be evident. If you’ve read these in order, they build on each other in fundamental ways. Look ahead, see where the trend is going and go there too. Cut them off at the pass. Be the change. I know you’ve all heard that. It is imperative that if we are moving with the trends, it puts us in a better position economically to impress or to influence the changes in the future, those that are to come. If you refuse to be a part of the future, you’ve signed your death warrant. 

Enjoy Change!

Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

In the “Adapt to Change” paragraph, I ended with, “Get passionate about these new things.” I mean it. If you get serious and get excited about the new things that are happening, then you’re honoring the idea of a progressive moral science. We should always be excited about our new brothers and what they’re interested in. Right now, the big wave is Education. I’m on that wave, in fact, I’ve been on it since almost the beginning of my joining. I wasn’t on it in the very beginning because I assumed we had Education covered. Unfortunately that was just all ritual instruction. Not my thing really. So you know what? I got passionate about Education. My best friend is the embodiment of education. My mentors are all educators in a masonic sense. They are passionate about changes, they’re passionate about tasting that new craft beer, that new steak rub, or trying that new social network that didn’t sell their personal data. But all jokes aside, be excited!

Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again

They Keep Moving The Cheese.

Simply put, know that change is always happening. Just when you bring home that top-of-the-line computer, they’ve already agreed on the marketing for the new model, and the production line is already fired up. It’s important to be educated on the trends of society, not that we need to bend to the will of society, but so that we may maintain relevance and spread the light of Freemasonry to anyone looking to understand it’s important concepts and morals. And lastly, be excited about trying those new things all the time. If you get excited about the changes and find the value rather than continuing in a downward spiral of doubt and despair about things, you’ll find that by freeing yourself of fear, we’re allowing ourselves to operate at our fullest potential, a concept that every Master Mason should be well acquainted with. 

*Editors Note* This article is an excerpt from an upcoming book on using and adapting corporate stratagems for Freemasonry. It will be released in 2018.

~RHJ

RWB, Robert Johnson is the Managing Editor of the Midnight Freemasons blog. He is a Freemason out of the 1st N.E. District of Illinois. He currently serves as the Secretary of Waukegan Lodge No. 78 where he is a Past Master. He is also a Past District Deputy for the 1st N.E. District of Illinois. Brother Johnson currently produces and hosts weekly Podcasts (internet radio programs) Whence Came You? & Masonic Radio Theatre which focus on topics relating to Freemasonry. He is also a co-host of The Masonic Roundtable, a Masonic talk show. He is a husband and father of four, works full time in the executive medical industry and is also an avid home brewer. He is currently working on several books, Masonic essays, strategy and one on Occult Anatomy to be released soon.

Proficiency

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Adam Thayer

Last night, I sat my annual re-certification for individual proficiency. In Nebraska, we have multiple levels of proficiency; there is the proficiency you have to prove before moving to the next degree, the proficiency that each lodge much perform annually to show that they are performing the degrees correctly, and the “blue standard” of proficiency, the individual proficiency.

In Nebraska, to obtain your individual proficiency, you have to perform roughly 80% of the ritual work from memory (the remaining 20% is “monitorial”, or able to be read from a book). You are allowed to make up to three mistakes during the recitation. If performed in a single session (which is generally not done these days), you will speak for approximately 5 ½ hours, start to finish. Very few people actually undertake the ordeal, and of those who do, most people take a year or longer to finish all three degrees and all of the lectures.

For those few who do, the work is far from over; to keep the proficiency, you’re required to perform all of the degree work and lecture work on an annual basis, in a “round table” format. The round table format is pretty much exactly how it sounds; a group of men sit around a table, each taking turns going through the lines, one after another. Instead of focusing on one role (as you normally would for degree work), you’re constantly shifting from one officer to the next, and never really know what you’ll end up doing the next time around the table.

I personally find the round table format more challenging even than the solo recitation that was required to originally obtain proficiency; with the solo recitation, you can get into a rhythm, and as long as you don’t lose your place you will be ok. In the round table, you never really find a rhythm, and you’re relying on others to perform their role correctly as well. Of course, the balance is that you’ll repeat less lines overall, and depending on the number of brothers there it may be significantly less.

Now, if your state follows a similar proficiency path (or whatever you may call it), that was probably unnecessary background. I’m sad to admit that I don’t know much about proficiency outside of Nebraska.

What I noticed this evening, however, were experiences that I bet are universal to Freemasons. I saw brothers helping each other out when they got stuck; never in a condescending manner, but solely for the joy of helping a brother in need. We would each offer a clue to the missing word or words, and if it was obvious that he was really stuck, there was someone who would step in and take over for him by silent agreement.

It wasn’t the grand gesture that we think about when we think of helping a brother in need, it was the more everyday aid and assistance that we pride ourselves on without ever bragging about.

I’m not really certain that there is a “moral” to this story, as much as a reminder of the little things that separate us from the rest of the world. We have many great moments of “big” charity work, times when many people are affected by our actions, and it’s easy to forget about how much larger of an impact these tiny moments can have.

If you haven’t ever obtained your individual proficiency, it is definitely worth pursuing. Even if it takes you a long time to get through all of your proficiency exams (hey, it took me a year and a half), you should still work toward it, as you’ll gain a deeper understanding of our rituals and their meanings. In fact, the whole reason I worked on mine was so that it would be easier for me to research other Masonic topics without having to constantly pull out my ritual book. As a nice bonus, you’ll get to see a quiet moment of Masonic charity up close and personal.

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!

Masonic Instruction

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

R.W.B. Michael H. Shirley

One of the difficulties of being certified to teach Masonic ritual is the requirement that the instructor can only instruct if asked. Too often, no one does. In Masonry, we tend to complain that the ones most in need of instruction are the ones who don’t show up to Workers’ Clubs and other schools. It’s not surprising, really. It’s not a problem specific to Masonry. I’ve been a high school and university teacher for nearly thirty years, and I’m fairly approachable, but the number of students who need individual attention is much higher than those who come to my office hours. So when a student actually shows up to office hours, my colleagues and I are usually delighted, at least if they're serious about learning, and not just bent on begging for extra credit. 

In Masonry, at least, you either know the Work or you don’t, so extra credit doesn’t come up. I can’t speak for other instructors, but I’m always impressed by Brethren who take a serious attitude toward learning the ritual and the floor work, and I’m eager to help anyone who asks. So the last time we had a District School, I asked the certified instructors to stand, and told the Brethren assembled there that we couldn’t instruct them if they didn’t ask, and that we would all be grateful if they would do so. A couple of nights later, I received a call from a Junior Deacon at a lodge nearby. He had been present at the District School, and was wondering if I could give him some personal instruction on his floor work, as he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing. We agreed on a day and time, and when I got there, the Master-elect, Junior and Senior Deacons, and the Junior Warden-elect were all waiting. 

It was just the kind of Masonic teaching situation I like: plenty of time for individual attention, for going over small details on which big things turn, and with the added bonus of being able to have the Deacons work together, which is never easy when you're trying to figure it out for the first time. After 90 minutes, everyone had shown marked improvement, not so much because of my instruction, but because they had shown up ready and eager to learn. Being able to do it right mattered to them, and that attitude amplifies learning a hundredfold.

It wouldn’t have happened if the Junior Deacon hadn’t picked up a phone to ask me to teach him. So I make a plea to all my brethren who want to get better at ritual and floor work: ask for help. There are instructors out there who will drive a long way and spend a lot of time just to help one brother learn our wonderful Work. They took a long time to earn a commission as a Certified Lodge Instructor or a Grand Lecturer, and that commission is an implicit offer to teach anyone who asks. Take them up on it. They’re waiting.

~MHS

R.W.B. Michael H. Shirley serves the Grand Lodge of Illinois, A.F. & A.M, as Leadership Development Chairman and Assistant Area Deputy Grand Master of the Eastern Area. A Certified Lodge Instructor, he is a Past Master and Life Member of Tuscola Lodge No. 332 and a plural member of Island City Lodge No. 330, F & AM, in Minocqua, Wisconsin. He currently serves the Valley of Danville, AASR, as Most Wise Master of the George E. Burow Chapter of Rose Croix; he is also a member of the Illinois Lodge of Research, the York Rite, Eastern Illinois Council No. 356 Allied Masonic Degrees, Eastern Star, Illini High Twelve, and the Tall Cedars of Lebanon. The author of several articles on British history, he teaches at Eastern Illinois University.You can contact him at: m.h.shirley@gmail.com

The Scars Unseen

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bro. Aaron Gardner

Many associate Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with the military. It is understandable when they do too. A Soldier goes to combat, sees things that cannot be forgotten and does things that we are not proud to talk about. It is common to notice the distance a Soldier, Marine, Airmen, or Sailor appears to keep from the average person in society. They are constantly alert, watching every person to enter and leave the room. When entering a building their eyes clear every corner and find every escape route possible in the event of an emergency. It is normal behavior of a man or woman who has just returned from a combat zone. It is when this behavior continues after being home for long periods of time that we should consider that this young man or woman may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

The man or woman is constantly living a moment in the past that has traumatized them, so their
minds automatically adjust to the event in order to protect themselves from it happening again. If
our military members are mentally still in Iraq or Afghanistan when they are stateside enjoying well earned leave with friends and family— imagine what it must feel like for a Police Officer,
Firefighter, EMT, Nurse or Doctor when they are constantly around the places, people and
scenarios that remind them of a traumatic event. What about victims? That being robbery,
breaking and entering, murder and of course rape. PTSD can affect any one of any gender,
size, race, creed or age; it is non-discriminatory.

There are not many who are willing to talk about their issues. There are many of reasons why
they won’t; it could be they feel weak because they can’t shake it, they are afraid the person
they talk to will not understand and mock them, they worry talking about it will stir new memories
and make it harder to deal with, or maybe they are afraid when talking about it the caretaker
may be affected by the vivid description of what happened. Those who do talk about it are
typically people who have dealt with it, and are just trying to get over it.

This is one of the first times I am coming out publicly about PTSD. It has affected for most of my
adult life. I have talked to counselors which typically doesn't work for me. Simply because their
is a blockage in my mental state of mind that I am afraid of. They always say in order to get
better it must get worse. This couldn't be any more true. Usually my counselors just listen to me
talk and I become irritated. I feel they aren't really helping but making it worst because all I do is
think about the event in more depth and detail making my dreams that much more vivid and
lifelike. My mind begins to play tricks on me and I cannot separate the part of the memory that
actually happened or what my mind is putting in place to help me cope. I have talked to
counselors and they suggest talking to someone about medication, this I cannot do. I do not
want medication, I never have and never will. I rarely take ibuprofen for my damaged knee, how
would a narcotic make me feel? In order to cope, I have found my best fighting chance. Yet, I
am still scared to utilize my chance.

I use to drink heavily to help me sleep until I realized that could be a problem. It wasn’t in my best
interest to get drunker than a skunk, nor for the people around me. Since I have stopped
drinking so heavily (before it became alcoholism), I would just toss and turn every night until I
could sleep. This of course was never the best idea either. The truth is I needed help. I needed
to figure out why I could not shake the overwhelming feeling to check all doors and windows. I
know why I do it, but I need to know why I can’t stop. I need someone to talk to. Writing has
helped, I stay awake at night and write my heart away, but my best tool I am still afraid to use. I
am afraid if I tell Emily everything that bothers me, every single instance of cold sweats, or when
I wake up screaming in my dreams— she will be scared away. Since she and I have known
each other she became that comfort zone, however. She has shown me that she will always be
there, and will help me through my sleepless nights. I wish every Soldier had a woman with her
caring heart. I wish every person had someone by their side that cared as much as she does for
me.

 
The fact is, that is not the easiest thing to ask for. People with PTSD can push away their loved ones by their selfishness, which leaves them feeling alone in the fight. That doesn't have to be the case. We need to study the effects of PTSD more, find a way to help everyone cope. Brother Brian Schimian has brought up the idea to me of starting a Masonic charity to help study PTSD. Well, there are plenty of foundations outside of Freemasonry that push the study and the cure for mental disorders, specializing in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We can help these foundations by raising money for them. There are benefits of it for the order, and for our brethren. For some brethren and their families the fight isn't over. Like I tell my battle buddy going into combat, “I have your back.” Shouldn’t we tell our brethren, the same?

  If you are suffering from PTSD I ask you to help me help you. Whether  you are you brother
Mason, a brother/sister in arms, a civil service member, nurse, doctor or just a victim of a
traumatizing event. The time is now to get help. Remember, you are not alone in this fight. If you
don’t have someone to talk to call one of the numbers below, they are willing to help. If you are
like me and don’t like talking to counselors or psychiatrists, talk to a loved one. If you can’t I am
always accepting e-mails from all my readers and I will talk you through what ever battle you are
facing. Sometimes it’s easier to know you're talking to someone who knows exactly what it is
like to lose sleep, concentration and live through the life of PTSD. So however you want, just get
help.

Veteran Crisis Line

1.800.273.TALK (8255) - Veterans Press ’1

PTSD Information Hotline

Phone: 802-296-6300

PTSD Sanctuary

Phone: 800-THERAPIST

~AG

Bro. Aaron Gardner was raised as a Master Mason in his hometown lodge of Flushing, Michigan. He has served in active duty with the United States Army for the last seven years in which he has become well traveled around the world. He is currently stationed in Lawton, Oklahoma where he is a member of Triangle Lodge #548. When Bro. Gardner is not defending the nation, he takes great pride in writing articles for his blog Celestial Brotherhood, writing his fiction novel and researching all he can involving the Craft.