Freemasonry and Fatherhood

by Midnight Freemason Contributor 

WB Adam Thayer

I have a two year old daughter… I should probably start by telling you that, or the rest of this article will seem entirely like conjecture. If you have a child too, I hope yours came with better instructions than mine, because so far the only real advice I’ve received is “Try not to kill her, and you’ll figure the rest out as you go.” The fact that this was given to me by a total stranger (a nurse at the hospital), told me that I was in for a real challenge.

Freemasonry has a lot that it can teach us when it comes to raising our children. For instance, sitting through the reading of the minutes can teach us about patience, which is an invaluable skill when it comes to your two year old arguing with you about watching Finding Nemo for the twentieth time this week. And haven’t we all seen a grumpy Past Master throwing a temper tantrum that could rival a child?

Now, I’ve never really been what you would call an overly emotional person. Sure, I cried tears of joy when the Cubs won the World Series (didn’t we all?), but never at weddings or a funeral, or even at the beginning of Up (which, I’m told, is incredibly sad for most people). I’ve noticed, however, that since Quinn has been born, there are many emotions that I hadn’t considered before. Seeing her try things for the first time, or solve a problem for herself, or even just the times that she wants to cuddle on the couch and watch cartoons (currently, her favorite is the 80’s run of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), has put a near perpetual lump in my throat.

Freemasonry teaches us that our emotions are a normal part of our existence, and that (when handled properly) can make us more well rounded people. In addition to teaching us to keep our passions circumscribed, it teaches us that while traversing that circle we can and should experience the whole range of emotions, instead of staying safely at the center point.

I’ve also found myself contemplating my own mortality more than ever before. Being a bit morbid, I’ve always had a fascination with my own demise, however death has generally existed more as something that happens to other, weaker people, people who weren’t strong enough to keep fighting for their existence. Of course, on an intellectual level, I knew that I, myself, would also die one day, however I never truly accepted the reality of the situation until having a child.

You see, children force us to think about the future, and in the future lies a time beyond our existence. For all of us, that day creeps closer and closer, so we start to make plans, and backup plans, contingency plans, worst case scenario plans, and even “if everything goes just perfectly, this could work” plans, to prepare our children to be able to live without us.

While having a child has made me focus on the future, it has also helped me to gain a greater respect for the past. I’ve been lucky in my Masonic career to meet men from so many different generations, and each has taught me something valuable when it comes to raising a child. Watching everything going on in the world, I definitely appreciate a simpler time with less things to worry about; I know my parents never had to worry about what I was watching on a tablet...

Children are, Masonically speaking, rather expensive. Money that was once going to our Masonic habit is suddenly being redirected to things like clothing, diapers, food, and whatever the heck an aspirator is. So far, my experience has been that as they age they become more expensive, and I see no reason to expect this trend to change until the time comes that I’m entirely destitute.

Of course, money is only part of the expense, while the larger and more important expense is time. Time is the currency that Masons use to best improve the world around us, and children require a LOT of time. The paradox, from what I’m seeing, is that the more time I invest into my daughter, the more she will go on to improve the world, thereby accomplishing our goals.

Finally, I’ve found that having a child makes it very difficult to ever get around to finishing anything that I start. This article, for instance, was started nearly five months ago, and no amount of editing has made it read any better than it did when I first started writing it. The ending, which tied it all together both intelligently and eloquently, was unfortunately overwritten by the Troll Holiday special (no, I have no idea how that’s possible, let’s just go with it, or this will sit on my computer for another five months before being revisited).

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!

Reflections on a Long Year - 2017 edition

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Adam Thayer 

“Brethren, as the year is drawing to a close, I, like many of you, find myself reflecting upon the challenges and achievements of the past year and turning an eager eye forward to see what the new year will bring. While my year has been full of many joys, there have been many trials that I did not believe I was prepared to handle and obstacles that seemed impossible to overcome. I feel relatively safe in saying that when you take the final tally of your year’s events, you will find a similar sentiment.”

I said that… two years ago now? Wow, two years has gone by so fast, it seems like I’m still preparing for my year as Senior Warden, not looking back at the end of my year in the East.

For anyone who has not yet sat in the East, it’s an interesting mix of feeling like a king and being convinced that you’re actually the jester. It’s a lot of work, no doubt, and a lot of reward, and if you’re really lucky, you’ve managed to do something that will improve your lodge for the future. For me, I hope that at least one of the old traditions that we brought back will continue into the future, and that the speech competition we’ve started will be a very successful program for years to come.

Some people enjoy being in charge, and are very good at it; I don’t. Somehow, I keep finding myself in leadership positions, when I would much rather spend my time writing, and editing my local Masonic newspaper, occasionally helping out with degree work as needed. If I could go the rest of my life without running another lodge, I would be perfectly happy, however the sad reality is that there are not enough qualified people around to handle all of the positions that need filled, and part of being a Mason is stepping into things you’d really rather not do.

We’ve spoken about Masonic burnout a lot on the site. I mean, a LOT. I’ve read every one of the articles, because I’m a huge fan of the writers here, and I read every article that gets published. After every burnout article, I always told myself “man, that’ll never happen to ME, I’m much stronger than that.” If I could sit down with that smug bastard right now, I’d smack him right in the face. After that was accomplished, I’d explain that burnout has nothing to do with strength, or a lack of strength, it’s from being strong for too long against overwhelming odds without any reprieve from the stress. Once I was certain that he understood, I’d smack him again, because let’s face it, he deserves it.

“For those of you who, like myself, have had a very painful year, I hope you can find comfort in the words of Ovid: Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim. (Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.)”

I wrote that too. (See, I told you, smug) I don’t disagree with what I said, because I still believe it to be absolutely true. I don’t believe, however, that it was nearly encompassing enough, as it didn’t address the issue I’m facing now: I’m tired. Green Mile, “like pieces of glass in my head, all the time” tired.

For those of you who have been long time readers, you may have noticed I was absent for a while; believe me, I’ve missed being here and writing so much that it eats away at me in those late hours when I really should be sleeping, and I apologize for being gone so long. For so long, writing was my inspiration, and what recharged my battery when it was running low; unfortunately, when times get tough, we often give up those things we should be holding like a life raft, and that has been my downfall this year as well.

It’s been a long year, but in the history of long years it surely hasn’t been the longest. It has been exhausting, trying, and at times overwhelming, and that’s just a typical evening with my two year old!

The best part of being a writer for this site is that when things are going well, I have all of you to celebrate and share the joy with, and when things have all gone pear shape I have you to commiserate with, which leads me to the last thing I said two years ago, and which is no less true today:

“I love each and every one of you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!”

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!

The Weight of a Masonic Ring

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Adam Thayer

This evening, I had the pleasure of editing a paper for fellow Midnight Freemason Bill Hosler, which discussed the history of his Masonic ring, and it got me thinking about my own ring, and the cost associated with it. Everything in life has what economists call an opportunity cost; that is, what is given up for what you receive. The easiest example is buying a cup of coffee: the opportunity cost is the money you pay to receive that life-giving goodness.

Our rings come with an opportunity cost. Of course, it’s easy to give a dollar amount to my ring (it wasn’t very expensive, but in case my wife is reading I’m not going to admit exactly how much), but it has cost me much more than just the money I spent on the afternoon I bought it.

Over the years, my ring has cost me quite a lot in dues payments to different lodges and other bodies. My ring has obviously cost me many evenings away from my family. It has cost me thousands of hours spent studying ritual work when I would have much rather been rotting my brain with television. It’s cost me biting my tongue when some idiot at the grocery store is annoying me, because if I said what I wanted to everybody would know that it was a Freemason who said it. It has forced me to re-examine who I am, and to make changes for who I hope to be one day. Without exaggerating, it literally cost my old identity, who had to die to make room for who I am becoming.

When I first bought this ring, if I had known the cost that came with it, would I have still purchased it? Since the ring is just a symbol, a reminder to me of my obligation, I suppose the question would be better worded thusly: when I first signed my petition, if I had known the cost that came with it, would I still have petitioned? I believe I would have, because the opportunity cost is far outweighed by the benefits that came from it, however I must admit that if the fraternity had been pitched to me in that way I would have definitely paused a bit longer before signing my name.

Even more noteworthy than the cost of my ring is its weight. My Masonic ring weighs 8 grams, according to my kitchen scale, but of course this tidbit of information is only interesting to the most obsessive jewelers among you, and “weight” in this instance is yet another symbol, because the true weight of my ring is unbearably heavy for a man to maintain by himself.

My ring comes with the weight of all of the brothers who came before me; I owe it to them to represent them well to the current generation, and to ensure that the solid foundations that they built are maintained for future generations to enjoy. It is weighed down with an obligation which demands I constantly seek improvement, leaves no room for excuses, and provides for the stiffest of penalties (symbolic though they may be).

I find that often, while I’m writing, I turn to the wisdom of The Beatles, and this instance is no exception; the second side of Abbey Road contains one of my favorite pieces of music, which is nearly sixteen minutes long (even if it’s listed as separate tracks, it’s really one large one), and contains some of the deepest lyrics that they ever wrote. In the middle of this fantastic medley are a few words that come back to haunt me in my darkest hours: boy, you’ve got to carry that weight a long time.

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!

Day By Day, The Masonic Way: Anger

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Adam Thayer

Of all the emotions that we experience in our daily lives, anger may be one of the most potent. It has the ability to completely consume and overwhelm our rational mind, leaving us a complete slave to its whims. It, along with love, is one of our most God-like emotions; outside of love, the Bible speaks most frequently of God’s anger at His wayward children.

The most dangerous part about anger is that, often, it leads us into irrational, potentially damaging actions that can negatively affect us far into the future. Our peers, seeing our actions, may lose respect for us. We may say words in anger that damage, or even destroy, our relationships. If we’re especially unwise, we may even vent our anger in writing, leaving proof of our inability to control our emotions for all to see.

Brothers, this is an especially difficult topic for me, because I struggle with controlling my anger daily. To me, it has become an almost separate entity; a beast that has taken up residence in my mind and that I have to fight against to maintain the balance in myself. I had such a dread of writing this topic that I have developed an inability to write for the past two months and have had to rely on articles that I banked up for just such an occasion.

The thing about anger is, there really isn’t a good answer to it. If you indulge in it to get past it, you hurt those around you as well as yourself. If you bottle it up, it will eat away at you until you explode in rage. Besides, the whole goal was to control the anger, not suppress it.

In my search for more light about anger, I find myself contemplating two striking (and often overlooked) symbols from our ritual.

The first is the Volume of Sacred Law. Now of course each Mason brings to the table his own Volume, and I cannot begin to tell you what is in yours, however I can tell you the words of King Solomon that are in mine: “Fools give full vent to their rage” (Proverbs 29:11). Solomon was wise enough to recognize the importance of keeping his anger in check, and there is no greater example for a Freemason to inspire to.

The second symbol, which is one I find useful in so many situations, is the compass (or, if you prefer, compasses). The art of circumscription is one that can be applied to so many situations that it is hardly any wonder our ancient brethren chose it (along with the square) to be the most public symbol of our craft. It is a subtle craft; when appropriately applied, it may go unnoticed by the world outside of ourselves.

Taken together, these symbols become even more powerful; we can use the teachings of our Volume of Sacred Law to help us learn how to better circumscribe our anger. Our Volume of Sacred Law teaches us how to appropriately express our anger, and the compass reminds us of how to reign it in.

In theory, all of that is great. In practice, when the blood is boiling, and all I want to do is lash out and make the irritant feel as much torment as possible, it is very difficult to remember that there are boundaries to our actions that we must NEVER suffer our passions to cross. So, here are some practical solutions, in the hopes that you will find them useful, and that I will keep reminding myself of them:

1) Remove yourself from the situation. Odds are, if you stay within the situation, you’ll just make your anger worse, like leaving a pot of water on the stove until it boils over.

2) Think, think, think. What is causing your anger, what are some possible solutions, and most importantly ask yourself what the outcome would be if you really let your anger out like you want.

3) Talk, but do it carefully, and don’t stop thinking. It’s important to release the anger slowly and carefully, and in a non-confrontational manner. While you’re talking, instead of saying “you”, try saying “I”, and be specific. For example, instead of saying “You never do any of the work at the lodge”, try saying “I’m upset that I had to spend an hour cleaning the kitchen alone”. It is much more useful to express yourself in this manner.

4) Exercise. I hate exercise, but since I’ve started back in I’ve dropped weight, put on muscle, and feel much less stress than I used to. It’s important to not neglect the physical temple while we’re refining the mental temple.

5) Forgive. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal, and can go a long way to healing ourselves and our relationships. If we start with forgiveness, we often find that the anger has resolved itself.

I hope this has helped you. I know that writing it, and just admitting my own issues, definitely has helped me.

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!